Completely Helpless

The first time was after a two level spinal fusion. After the 9hour surgery and 10 days in the hospital I was allowed to come home to my small 5th floor walk-up apartment. My boyfriend at the time (J) helped me home and up those endless stairs. After finally reaching my apartment I told J that I would be fine and he could go back to work. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was unable to sit or stand without someone’s help. After about an hour of concocting some way to sit without tearing out my stitches I finally sat down. At that moment the realization of my total helplessness caused me to sob uncontrollably. Not only was I unable to stand up again I was also unable to move from that seat until J returned 4 hours later. When he returned I broke down once again and explained what had happened. For the next two months I would have a fulltime nurse who would prepare meals, walk my dog, help me to the bathroom and even pull my pants up and down. I needed to transform my living room into my bedroom because I could use my loft bedroom. This meant that the nurse and I spent the entire day in the same room. Since I was heavily medicated and slept most of the day I insisted that she watch whatever TV channel she would like. This meant every soap opera was on the TV.