Eddie's Influence

The most influential experience I have ever had, which changed my view of the world of people and myself would be the death of my roommate. Before his death I was so concerned with the future that I did not enjoy the present. After his death I realized how important it is to enjoy where I am now at every moment of life. No one can ever be sure when his or her time is up.
Eddie found out he had Lymphoma after complaining of lower back pain. Lymphoma is a type of cancer that attacks the lymph nodes. The tumor was pressing against Eddie’s lower back. Eddie took the news as if it where as simple as a weather report. If the weather man says it’s going to rain one brings an umbrella. He would rather have a sunny day; but what is wrong with a little rain. It’s not going to kill me. Eddie lived for about a year and a half after the news. He never once allowed himself to think of the worst. He never considered the fact that the rain could turn into a flashflood and take his life, like a country road that was washed away from the rain. I spoke to Eddie less than two days before he died. He told me all of the procedures he has done and what he was planning to have done. At no point in the conversation did he sound as though he might be losing. When I saw him in the coffin I realized that he had been loosing the battle for a while. He made a choice to only give me the positive information and through away the negative news. It was on that day that I started to look at my life. What would I do if I were in Eddie’s shoes?
Before that terrible day in May, I concerned myself with future enjoyment. I made sue I had an adequate 401k. I bought a house and called it my retirement home. I did not take chances because of fear of the uncertain. But the greatest sin of all was that I did not enjoy the present. I always told myself and others around me that I will be happy when I’m “there.” I would even stop myself from pursuing certain goals because the “there” was too far away. I knew that the long journey of the goal would not be enjoyable. I limited myself to chasing short term goals. I started working immediately after high school. I bought the things that made m surroundings look as though I was “there.” But this accomplished only one thing. It made me more discontent. I wanted to graduate from college, but the goal was so far away.
After Eddie passed away, my realization of human frailty struck like a powerful lightning bolt. I considered the fact that I might never see the “there.” Would I be able to say I enjoyed everyday? The days that I took for granted when Eddie was sick. I didn’t want to see him because I wanted to see him when he was well again. I didn’t take the time to enjoy today because I was looking forward to tomorrow. But the day Eddie died, tomorrow never came.
Now I try to enjoy every moment. I still look forward to someday being “there”; but now I appreciate being “here.” I try to not worry about things that I have no control over. I used to get so upset about all of those “what ifs.” But to answer all of those questions, all one needs is the question “What if you were going to die tomorrow, would any of this matter?”