My Epiphany

How could education be a source of great pleasure? For most of my life, I believed that these two elements could never find association with each other, but last year, most of my enjoyment came from learning. In 1999, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), which is a neurological dysfunction that inhibits a person’s ability to focus on one subject. Instead the brain receives and transmits numerous impulses simultaneously. Imagine trying to study while on a rollercoaster or reading while driving. Before treatment, I was unable to read and retain more than 2 pages at a time. Reading assignments always meant frustration and a feeling of incompetence.
As a young child, my family knew I had a learning problem but felt it could be corrected with more discipline. Eventually they learned to accept report cards of poor grades and teachers’ comments like, “can not pay attention,” “daydreams too much,” and “won’t follow directions.” They were not at all surprised by my lack of enthusiasm in attending college. My parents, who never went to college, believed it would be a waste of money to send me to college. They did not have money to waste, and my younger sister and brother deserved to go to college because they received good grades, paid attention, and followed directions. I also felt I could never be successful in college. I knew I would need to give 100% of my attention, which was impossible. I resigned to the fact that I would never attend college. But that all changed in 1999 when I began treating ADD with medication and counseling.
As soon as I started to show signs of improvement, I realized that my world opened up. I now have the ability to read for hours and retain the information. Reading assignments and homework are proving that I do have the ability. For the first time in my 35 years of life, I am beginning to understand, comprehend, and retain the information. I am able to study without feeling like I am on a rollercoaster. This simple task was impossible only 2 years ago. The first semester of my new college career, I received all “A”’s. This meant that I must change my beliefs about myself. For most of my life, I told myself I was not intelligent and I couldn’t study or concentrate. I was always told, “If you don’t pay attention you will never learn.” I assumed I could never learn and was not as motivated as others in my class and therefore deserved less. I know now that everyone deserves a chance to receive an “A” and should be helped in any way possible. My goal now is to help students with ADD and other learning disabilities. I feel compelled to share my thoughts, struggles, pain, and triumphs. I hope my experiences could be used to help others. I want everyone to experience the freedom that I feel now. While attending college at BMCC, I have found an overflowing amount of support and encouragement. Now my voice can be heard in my words and in my writing. I am empowered simply with a pen and piece of paper. Nothing can stop me from my journey, and I feel like it has just begun.